There are two kinds of people on the planet: those who smoke and those who don’t. I always thought the two parties could coexist civilly, but I’m not so convinced any more.

When I was about 6 or 7, I tried to smoke my first cigarette. A family friend had left his lighted stick in the ashtray on the kitchen table and when no one was looking, I grabbed the cigarette and stuck it between my lips.

And promptly blew into it — so hard that my cheeks puffed out, face burning from the futile attempts. While the end glowed a bright orange, I was disappointed that those cool smoke rings didn’t just magically appear the way they did when grown-ups smoked.

That was the last time I ever tried to smoke. My dad smoked and I grew to detest that acrid smell. I developed asthma as a kid. In college, I didn’t associate with many smokers, and smoking became my No. 1 deal-breaker in dating.

So it’s more than ironic now to realize that nearly all of my closest friends smoke. My boyfriend is a bona fide addict — about a pack a day. And being a nonsmoker has essentially turned me into a social wet blanket.

Every time our group goes out to dinner or another social function, it’s inevitable that sometime during the meal or round of drinks and conversation, the bunch will get up and head outside for a smoke break. That leaves me by myself at the table for a good 10 minutes at a time to stare into space or twiddle my thumbs while they’re all outside puffing away and continuing a conversation.

This repeats throughout the night, of course.

They know it bothers me, the cigarette smoke. While I never ask them not to smoke, I do make the usual pained faces when they light up and, of course, vigorously fan the smoke out of my face when the wind blows it my way.

But I doubt any of them really think it bothers me beyond that because, well, why should they? They just want a cigarette — no big deal, right?

And I didn’t want to rock the boat since I’m in the minority. Being a nonsmoker was my issue, not theirs. And I didn’t want to be the nonsmoking ninny.

Huffing and puffing
Recently, four of us gals drove out to Las Vegas. I regretted not springing for a plane ticket as soon as I realized I would be trapped in a car for at least four hours with three smokers. Dear God.

“This isn’t going to work. Our friendship will end. I might hurt somebody,” I half-joked.

I survived using a cloth mask that I brought along. Driving in a convertible with the top down helped, too.

Not like another car ride, during a girls’ trip to Costa Rica. We were driving on the country’s winding roads and I had fallen asleep in the back seat, only to wake up coughing from the cloud of cigarette smoke that filled the car.

“What? We figured you were sleeping and wouldn’t mind!” was my friends’ laughing response.

The turning point came on a recent evening when the relatively acquiescent nonsmoker in me finally snapped. We were all out having drinks after catching a great jazz performance. The boyfriend and I have a general agreement: He can smoke all he wants on his own time, but as a courtesy to me when we’re out together, he cuts back.

It didn’t take long though, for one of the girls in the group (who had just announced she had quit smoking for the third or fourth time) to snag my boyfriend for a smoke break outside. This happened a few times, with the BF alternating among my girlfriends for smoke breaks, and I started to get really irritated.

Rationally, I know they’re my friends and they’re all just going to get their nicotine fix. But in what other social setting is it appropriate for your significant other to repeatedly leave you and take off with other females for long periods?

Butt out or fire it up?
Turns out I’m not the lone nonsmoker in a group of smoking pals. Chad Boyles, 23, of Costa Mesa, Calif., said most of his friends smoke, too.
 
“Sometimes I do feel left out when everyone goes outside to smoke, so I’ll follow them because I don’t want to be by myself. Because they just pick up the conversation and take it with them, too.”

My boyfriend says he finds it interesting that I can be so judgmental about smoking when I’ve never smoked a cigarette and therefore can’t understand what it’s like to be a smoker, what the appeal is and how real the struggle with addiction is.

I have a somewhat solid idea. I’ve been told on several occasions that smoking relieves stress and is very much a social activity.

“When you go somewhere and there’s people there you don’t know but they’re smoking, it’s an automatic bond, you already have something in common,” said Matt Sikes, 24, of Huntington Beach.

Several other smokers said it’s annoying when nonsmokers get all riled up about smokers.

“Yeah, secondhand smoke kills, we know it’s bad. But as it is, we’re barely allowed to smoke anywhere. And yes, I know it’s bad, but if you don’t like it, don’t be around me,” said Sikes.

Sikes admits he’s an addict. He grew up in a family of smokers and goes through three or four packs of cigarettes a week.

Statistics show that California has one of the nation’s lowest smoking rates, at about 14.9 percent. But experts say smoking cigarettes is among the most widespread addictions.

“Addictions overall are on the increase in this generation,” said Lois Nightingale, a Yorba Linda, Calif., psychologist who specializes in addiction. “To cigarettes, coffee, meth … we’re all in a hurry to feel better right this second.

“Our culture now is all about getting the immediate fix-it. So today we get liposuction instead of working out, or text message instead of sitting down to write a letter. Everything is all about now, now, now.”

Sikes, who started smoking four years ago when he became a waiter, said cigarettes help to calm him during hectic shifts. The physical act of smoking, he explained, makes it feel like he’s actually able to take a break instead of just having a few fleeting minutes of downtime.

“It can be stressful at work, and smoking calms me down physically and mentally. There’s a whole buzz that goes over your body and it instantly relaxes me,” he said. “That, and I’m really high-strung.”

Logical arguments. But lately, it’s become harder for me to fight off the impulse to criticize the people in my life who suck down C-sticks like there’s no tomorrow. Do I take a stand as a nonsmoker and risk alienating myself from the people closest to me?
 
Or do I continue to go along and try to ignore the haze that envelops me?

How to cope if you’re dating a cigarette smoker
Understand that it’s an addiction, a disease. It’s out of the person’s control, like diabetes or cancer.

Have some compassion and seek serenity and detachment from the addiction.

The smoker in the relationship should be respectful and polite; i.e., go outside to light up, brush their teeth, use breath mints, etc.

Couples should not try to force their ideas on each other.

The nonsmoker has to consider whether he or she can handle it if the addict gets sick or gets cancer. You have to ask yourself: Are you willing to see them through that?

Smoking facts
An estimated 20.8 percent of adults (45.3 million people) in the United States smoke cigarettes.

The age breakdown of those smokers: 23.9 percent are 18-24; 23.5 percent are 25-44; 21.8 percent are 45-64; and 10.2 percent are 65 or older. Cigarette smoking is more common among men (23.9 percent) than women (18 percent)
Source: Centers for Disease Control

-- Source: Dr. Lois Nightingale, psychologist and director of the Nightingale Clinic in Yorba Linda.