The imposter syndrome

“You think, Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie?  And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?”--17-time Academy Award nominee (and 2-time winner) Meryl Streep
“I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member.” — Groucho Marx

Note to readers: This is the third column in my occasional series on first generation college students. The first two were written in December. You can find them on The Recorder website or contact me if you’d like more information.


There are many experiences common to first generation students, but one of the more interesting is the impostor syndrome. 

The term “impostor syndrome” was first coined by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in the 1970s. It’s not a recognized psychological disorder, but rather a term that applies to a variety of people who feel out of place among their own accomplishments.

A first generation college student is almost by definition treading in uncharted waters.  She or he doesn’t have parental experience on which to rely when confronting the unique and sometimes strange culture of academia. It’s not surprising many feel out of place.

But the impostor syndrome goes a bit beyond feeling out of place.  It happens to many students who have performed quite well in their academic careers. Whatever their actual accomplishments, they feel like they don’t belong and worry, at times irrationally, that someone is going to discover this fact and make it known to the world.

In other words, they feel like an impostor in the very world — the academic one — that can lead to their future success.

I first heard of the impostor syndrome in a psychology class at Fresno State. My initial thought was that it was an interesting idea, but that it really didn’t apply to me.

Of course it did. 

There were numerous times during my academic career when I felt out of place, lost amidst a world others seemed to navigate much more easily than I did. The strange bureaucracy of college life was often lost on me. It didn’t matter that I was getting straight As, or close to it, I didn’t belong there.

Wikipedia describes the impostor syndrome as “a psychological phenomenon in which people are unable to internalize their own accomplishments.” Essentially, like an anorexic who views herself as fat when she is in fact unhealthily thin, the supposed impostor downplays his own accomplishments or attributes them to luck and supposes that those around him are more qualified than himself.

The impostor syndrome has been studied quite a bit. In researching this column, I found at least half a dozen books on the subject, four of them published in the past three years.

Local pediatrician Ramon Resa, in his recent memoir, discussed his own feelings of being an impostor as he worked his way from farmworker to doctor. If you prefer a personal story rather than dry psychological prose, Resa’s book is one of the most powerful I’ve ever read.

The impostor syndrome can have ethnic and gender components as well. It is rather common among women who work in fields previously dominated by men. They wonder “Do I really belong here?” A friend of mine who studies the sociology of gender has done research on how women who do well in math and science often choose other careers because they don’t recognize their own abilities for what they are. They may realize they are good students who study hard, but think their good grades in math and science classes are just the result of those attributes rather than innate ability in those areas.

Many students of color also encounter these feelings and they may encounter criticism from peers who view excelling academically as “acting white.” If internalized, these feelings can lead students not only to minimize their own abilities, but to reduce their effort as well. 

The idea that academic achievement might also involve a sense of ethnic or familial betrayal is one that can limit a student’s potential. This was explored well by Richard Rodriguez in his memoir “Hunger of Memory”, first published in 1982, but still highly relevant.

I’d like to think I’ve overcome any sense of being an impostor, but I must admit, though I work at a college, I still get those thoughts occasionally. It can crop up at the strangest times. I think “why am I the only one who doesn’t know this?” The “this” in question can be the simplest thing like how to properly get a purchase order done or who knows what on campus.

Dr.Valerie Young wrote one of the books I mention above. She also maintains the web site impostorsyndrome.com and has written “10 steps to overcome the impostor syndrome” which can be found online.

For first generation college students, or others who occasionally feel like impostors, I’d just add a couple of things.

One — you’re not alone. Probably half of your classmates are thinking the same things you are.

Two — ask questions when you need to. It’s better to display your ignorance for a moment than to maintain it. That’s what education is all about.

And lastly — persevere. No matter how much you feel like you don’t belong, you probably do. You have little to lose by working hard and only your future to gain.


Michael Carley is a resident of Porterville. He can be reached at mcarley@gmail.com.